Embrace You In My Dreams
by MyBlondieBear
Summary: Buffy was never able to forget Spike's death, and resulting from that she is expiriencing some big consequences. But can Spike, whose floating around in Heaven, save her from hitting rock bottom?


"No you don't, but thanks for saying it."

"Don't tell me that I'm lying. I think I am capable of knowing when I love someone, and when I don't. And, right now, I am most definitely in love with you, Spike. No one has ever went to such great lengths just to prove to me that they are worthy for my feelings. Only you… I was stupid, and blind, and only saw an evil soulless creature. The truth is that I didn't trust myself around you and it was just what I kept telling myself. I assured myself that you could never love so I should never love you. I kept pushing myself away, and when you got a soul I was so confused. I love you because you love me. I have evidence. You've shown more love to me than anyone else ever has. You comforted me when I got pulled back from heaven, you saved my father figure from the hands of an insane bitch, you've saved me numerous times in battles where someone other than me had the upper hand. You have done so many things for me. So, Spike, please. Come with me before Sunnyhell turns into a cereal bowl…Spike! I'm not leaving without you. If you love me you'll leave. You would make sure I'm out of here. I'm staying by your side, no matter what you decide. But… just so you know, I'm kind of rooting for leaving the basement before we get sucked into hell."

"Touching, Slayer, but I think it's too late." Spike said, his temperature rapidly rising in the heat of the sun.

"Damnit, Spike. It's never too late! You should know that for a fact. You finished it off with Slutsilla even though you'd been entangled in her crazy web for a hundred years. It seemed too late, but you've moved on. It's not too late! Grab my hand and we'll walk of this mess together. Please."

Spike had made up his mind, but before he could place his hand in Buffy's his feet lit on fire. He hissed at the burning sensation that slowly crept up his leg. Buffy had lied. It was too late, "Go, Buffy, now!"

"No." The small blonde replied, leaning into his for an embrace. The orange flames jumped from Spike's body to Buffy's and, though the pain was unbearable, Buffy didn't push away. The heat climbed up until both being were engulfed.

Willow watched quietly from the stairs, not wanting to break up the couple but also not wanting to loose her best friend in this battle.

"Better go to Red." Spike whispered into her ear. Buffy replied by holding onto him stronger, like a child would do when his parent says goodbye.

Willow knew this wouldn't turn out well in the end, but she stubbornly did it anyways. With the flick of her wrist Buffy was magically pulled from Spike into Willow's arms. Buffy weakly pulled away from Willow in time to watch her true love look up to the heavens as flames turned him into ash. She stared for seconds before Willow dragged her up the stairs.

"No! Spike…" Buffy whimpered softly. She went from the Wicca's arms to Xander's and then was carried onto a bus. Before she was placed down the bus sped off at an unbelievable pace, barely missing the earth crumbling behind them.

"Spike…" murmured the distressed Slayer.

She continued to be distressed for many weeks later. No matter what her friends tried, she couldn't forget him. His perfect face, and I-don't-care-but-I-really-do attitude, everything about him never escaped her mind. There was a point in Cleveland where she never left her room. The Scooby's would have to go in there, dry her tear stained face while she never took her eyes off of a portrait that she'd drawn of him. Sometimes she would get out of her room and join the Scooby's for a quick moment. But she'd always bring Spike into the subject.

Buffy, would you want some hot chocolate?

Spike liked hot chocolate. He was always bugging mom about them, insisting on mini marshmallows.

It was when she didn't leave her room even to use the bathroom that the Scooby's got really worried. It was the third week of her torment that they checked her into the hospital.

She'd lost fourteen pounds.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

If Spike was here he'd be angry at how they were treating her. He'd lift her up and carry her off to someplace where the doctors didn't force liquid into her veins and constantly check her body for mutilations. She wouldn't have to imagine his lips brushing kisses along her cheeks, eventually ending to her lips where he'd saved the best for last. She would have the real thing. Not drug induced doppelgangers touching her wrong when the genuine's touch had been perfectly performed as if he'd been a human version of mapquest. She needed him, body and soul, to continue.

Buffy, deep in thought, rolled over on the hospital bed facing an old friend that had always been there for her. He was always there at this time: staring at her, quietly, though his face spoke a thousand words. He'd failed her. At least that's what he believed. Giles stood up from the chair that he'd became so accustomed to and kneeled in frond of Buffy. He reached out and caressed her face.

She didn't even acknowledge him. A tear fell down his cheek as he kissed her goodbye.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Buffy." Giles promised before leaving the room.

Buffy knew he'd left. Her surrogate father had left her. But he'd be back tomorrow. He was always back, sitting on the same plastic chair with a box of Kleenex.

She closed her eyes and let take slumber take control.

Buffy sat alone in a field of flowers, legs held in an embrace. A soft breeze passed her, licking at her skin with it's soft touch in an attempt to sooth her. But her grief never faded. She saw his beautiful face when her eyes were open and also when her lids closed. No matter what she did, she saw him. Spike. The only man who loved her even when she hated him. He loved her no matter how blind and stupid she'd been. She should have saved him. But she let him die. She let him die. He wanted to… and she did. She should have been selfish. He died. Unrelenting tears poured down her cheeks, creating ocean-like pools of water on her white blouse. Tears that belonged to Spike.

"Why are you crying?"

She looked up through wet lashes at the man of her thoughts, "Because I killed you."

That was what she whispered back, the usual simplicity that she always replied with in these dreams. She had these hallucinations often in her sleep. They all went the same way: Spike would come to her and say some things. What he said only made her more guilty. He always accused her of being an idiot for never noticing his love when he gave it. He called her slow.

This Spike only laughed, "You killed me? I would never let you think that, your ego would get too big. No. I'd never give you that pleasure." This Spike sat in the grass next to her.

"But I did." She assured, "I didn't take you. I was weak."

"Pet, I do remember you telling me to come." Spike said, watching another tear fall down her cheek, "What's wrong?"

"All the other you's were different. They always said mean things to me. Why are you different?" His eye brows furrowed while he thought.

"Perhaps it's because I'm the real one."

Buffy wanted to believe him. She really did. But, really, what were the chances that what she was witnessing was real? She was constantly getting stuff shot up into her arm, practically part of the vegetable family in her non-dream life and add her constantly seeing her dead true love. This had to be another one of her hallucinations, "Right…"

He immediately put his hands on her shoulders and forced her to look at him, "I'm real, Buffy, and we don't have much time."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't stay too long."

"You are real, aren't you?" Buffy asked, feeling tears beginning to come down. When he looked away she continued, "But… how?"

"I made a deal… But, that's not important, Pet."

"Then what is?" Buffy asked, needing to know what was going on.

"I saw you… from Heaven - ."

"Wait! Your in heaven?" Buffy asked, some of the weight come off her shoulder.

"Yeah. Apparently, getting a soul, falling in love with the Slayer and dying to save the world is enough to clean off a Master Vampire's slate and grant him entrance to the Pearly Gates." Spike smiled.

Buffy returned his smile.

"I saw you. Buffy, what you were doing to yourself isn't healthy. Your young, beautiful… You have your whole life ahead of you." He pushed some of her stray hair back behind her ear, "But, if you keep this up, the Watchers Council are going to kill you. You're the Slayer, Buffy. You can't just stay in the hospital. Everyone needs the Slayer… They need you, Buffy. The Watcher, Red, Whelp, Dawn…. They need you so much."

"But, Spike… I can't get over it. It's too hard. Everyday I deal with the pain. But, my Slayer powers don't seem to work on emotion. I can't get over your death."

"Try, Buffy. Not just for me, but yourself and the world." Spike said, he leaned over and their lips met for a gentle kiss. Pulling apart, they stood up in sync.

"Are you happy?" Buffy asked.

"Of course… Now, close you eyes."

Seeing his lips curl into a sad smile, Buffy closed her eyes then opened them a second later to find herself on the hospital bed.

"Giles?" Buffy asked, seeing her father-figure sitting in a chair with a box of Kleenex. The box dropped to his feet when he ran to her side. His Buffy was okay.

"Buffy?" Giles asked, grabbing a hold of her hand. Buffy was about to pull him into a hug, when she felt a tug on her other arm. She pulled the needle out of her arm and pulled Giles into a big hug, "Goodness, Buffy, I was beginning to think that you would never come back."

"I'm back, Giles." Buffy said, giving him a hundred watt smile, "And I'm all better now."

"How?"

"Spike… Giles, he's in Heaven and he's happy."

Spike watched from far above, happily crying for his love. She'd gotten what she deserved, even though making it happen had cost him much more. Looking over his shoulder, his blue orbs met with another set of blue.

"Are you ready, William?" The other man asked.

"Yes." Spike said, excepting his part of the deal: giving up Heaven for Hell.

Like he had said: he wanted the best for Buffy. She would have never continued if he hadn't came. That would have meant she wouldn't live her life to the fullest. No matter what it was, Spike would go through it to make her happy. Even Hell.

Taking one last look at her, he turned back to the man.

"Yes… I'm ready."

Authors Note: So… That was it. Ta Daaaaa! I know, I know, sad. I'm good at sad endings. I don't think I'm capable of writing happy ones. Didja like it? I know you probably didn't. But there's no way I'm going to change it because I like it. I like sad ones….

But it's romantic: Spike gave Heaven up for her. That's love. Love to the extreme. Extreme love. Like Extreme sports.

I like it so BLEGH.

Heartness, Love MyBlondieBear!


End file.
